Relationships

“Relationships. We all got ‘em. We all want ‘em. Now what do we do with them?” Ah, Jimmy Buffet. He certainly knew what he was talking about when he wrote the song, Fruitcakes, didn’t he?

We crave relationships. Good, healthy and happy relationships. With family members, spouses, friends and even co-workers.

But as moms, there is one thing we know. Motherhood can sometimes be lonely. We are pulled in so many different directions that we barely have time for ourselves, let alone time for our friends, husbands and other family members. A job and/or volunteering pulls us in one direction. A house that needs to be cleaned and laundry that needs to be folded, pulls us in another direction. Other things pull us away from our relationships too: moving into a new house, selling an old house, a sick friend or family member, after school activities, homework, not to mention, the fact that we’re just busy raising our child(ren).  

As moms, we tend to put the needs of our children first.  And we should.

But it’s important that we don’t neglect the needs of other relationships while taking care of our little ones.

Friendships need nurturing too.

More than anything, moms need friends. We need people to laugh and cry with, friends who understand what we are going through, friends who will tell us that we are great moms, even when we don’t feel that we are doing a good job.

Yes, we need friends. But sometimes, we are so busy that it is easy to feel alone, like we don’t have any friends.

The fact of the matter is, relationships are a two way street. While I have been blessed with a handful of friends who always reach out and check on me, we can’t leave it up to our friends to do the calling and reaching out. WE need to make the calls, send the emails, and send the texts to check in with our girlfriends and to invite them to do things. WE need to make the calls to invite them to dinner at our house or out to lunch. And if our friends live far away, WE need to call them or send a card in the mail to say we are thinking about them.

Sure, there will always be those people who don’t make the effort on their end to check in or invite you to things. And for that, I say, you’ve tried your best. Sometimes you just have to keep trying with certain people. You never know what they may be going through in their life. And your efforts to reach out to them just might make their day.

But for those friends who love you for who you are, those women who will be with you through thick and thin and will check on you in all stages of your life, make time for them. Call them, send them a text message, get a babysitter and take them to lunch.

Nurture those relationships and don’t EVER let them go.

And don’t forget about your family either. Don’t forget about your mom, dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. It’s so easy to take your family for granted sometimes, especially if your relationships are already very close. But these relationships need nurturing too. Send a holiday card or a birthday present. Make a phone call at a random time, on a random day. Send an email or even just a text to say you are thinking about them. And if you are lucky enough to have family close by, meet for lunch or dinner every once in a while. Nurture your relationships with your family. After all, they are your blood. They are the people who probably understand you better than anyone else in this world. Without family, you have nothing.

Last, but not least, we need to nurture our relationships with our spouses. We are so busy that we sometimes don’t make the effort to nurture these relationships. We wake up, feed the kids and get them dressed for the day and send them off to school. Your husband goes to work, you do your thing, whether it’s a job, taking care of the youngest child(ren) or volunteering. Your husband gets home and you cook dinner. Bath time. Book time. Prayer time. Now you’re spent. You can barely speak two words to each other at the end of a long day.

It’s easy to do this. We are all so busy and tired. But do this for too long and one of you will start feeling like something is missing. You both need to make the effort to nurture each other.

So what do we do?

A date night once a week would be ideal. You need some time to reconnect and to talk (without your children eavesdropping or contributing to a conversation). But a date night each week isn’t exactly cheap, after you’ve paid for a babysitter, dinner, parking and maybe a movie.

So what else can you do? Have you tried a date night at home? Why not feed the kids and put them to bed and then the two of you can make your own dinner and eat together and talk, or just watch a movie?

Have a friend or family member take the kids for an hour so that you and your husband can take a walk and catch up on life.

Or take a break from your night time reading and just talk about the day before you turn off the lights before bed.

If you have found your way to connect each week, kudos. Share your secrets with the rest of the world. But if you have not, find your “together time,” even if it’s just for a few hours each week. A nurtured relationship with your spouse makes for a happy marriage. And a happy marriage brings about happy children.

Moms, we’ve got a lot of nurturing to do, haven’t we?

Our children need nurturing. Our friendships need nurturing.  Our family members need nurturing. And yes, our husbands need nurturing too.

While this seems like a lot, know this. When our relationships are nurtured, we feel fulfilled. And if we feel fulfilled, those around us will too.

So Mr. Buffet, I say to you, “Relationships. We all got ‘em. We all want ‘em. Now, fingers crossed, we know what to do with them.”