Have You Become an "Mmm Hmm" Parent?

Child: "Look, mom!"       Mom: "Mmm Hmm"

I don’t know how my mom did it. She raised three children with very little help from babysitters. She was a science teacher and volunteered with various organizations. She cooked a home cooked meal nightly and managed to have us ALWAYS eat around the dinner table as a family.

She juggled three very active children’s schedules. And all the while, she had the patience of Job, even when I was throwing some of my award-winning temper tantrums as a little girl (and I wonder where my three-year-old gets it).

There was one thing about my mom that I always wondered, however – Why did my mom always say, “Mmm hmm” to everything I told her? And it usually happened when we were riding in the car together.

I remember getting so annoyed. I always wondered if she was really listening to what I was saying because not everything I was telling her required an “Mmm hmm” response.

Well, now that I’m a mom I GET IT!

In a world of trying to be a good mom to one, two, three or more children, a mommy’s mind is constantly spinning. I LOVE hearing the stories my children tell me every day, but there’s something about driving in the car.

When all three boys are in the car, I get in a zone. Not only am I hyper-focused on being a safe driver since my children are with me, but I start thinking about all the things I have done that day, all the things I still need to do and all the things I wonder if I’ll EVER get done in the upcoming weeks.

And what do I become at that point? An “Mmm hmm mom.” Sorry, dads and grandparents, because you are not safe from these couple words that can so easily roll off a busy person’s tongue.

I find myself saying, “Mmm hmm” when my sweet, creative five-year-old is telling me about the comic strip he is currently writing. The short manuscripts are perfect. But my mind wanders when the comic book is 20 pages long. This is when he shares every little detail about what every superhero and villain will say and do, not to mention, what everyone will wear and what everyone will be holding in his or her hands.

And I find myself being an “Mmm hmm” mom, to my three-year-old, who I’m convinced will either be an excellent scientist, reporter or National Geographic History buff, because he will probably ask me 20 questions about God and the world in the span of our 15 minute drive to and from school. When I realize I don’t have an explanation for every question, the “Mmm hmm mom” mode kicks in.

Recently, however, my eyes have opened to the “Mmm hmm” trap that we can all so easily fall into.

The other day, when I was picking up my two older boys from school, they both went to the bathroom. As I sat in the hallway, waiting for the boys to come out, I saw one very loquacious student walking with his mom. He was telling his mother everything he had learned that day; I’m not sure that he even took a breath as he spoke of every lesson. His mom smiled and nodded her head. She clearly was listening to everything the child was telling her.

But what did I hear when they walked out the door together? “Mmm hmm.”

Two things went through my mind when I heard this– “Phew! I’m not the only one,” and “That poor, little boy!”

Shortly after this happened, I realized that I needed more balance in my life. While I think I can do it all – be a good mom, write, work at the church and volunteer- my mind is in six different places at once too often.

After this realization, ironically, I had the opportunity to hear Lisa Oz, Dr. Oz’s wife, speak at a luncheon. She was speaking about balance.  And immediately, my pen was out, and I was ready to take notes.

She said that balance is achieved when you are fully present in the moment.

Eureka! That’s just it! We need to be fully present and not allow our minds to wander when we are with our children.

We are busy as moms, dads and grandparents, but we need to stop thinking about everything else and fully absorb the moments we are experiencing.

The other night, when I was getting dinner ready, the kids were playing.

And my mind started to wander.

I began to think, “That was a long, tough day,” “I wonder when Matt will get home from work,” “I got nothing done at work today because I didn’t have time to go in,” “Will I have time to write or get work done at church tomorrow?”

And just when I heard my children speaking and I felt an “Mmm hmm” coming from my mouth, I thought about what Lisa Oz said about balance.

I turned off my mind and looked up.

Before my eyes, I witnessed a priceless moment.

My five-year-old was reading a book to my three-year-old on the couch.

“Was there a tear in my eye?” you ask.

“Mmm hmm!”