The in Between is Mine

“I know I was born and I know that I’ll die. The in between is mine.” - Pearl jam

When I attempt to interpret the lyrics of Pearl Jam’s song, “I am Mine,” and apply it to my own life, I think about the poem - “The Dash,” by Linda Ellis.

In this poem, it talks about a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning to the end.

The poem reads, the man “noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.”

And that’s what I think about when I think about the lyrics, “the in between is mine.”

I ponder about how I’ve lived my “dash” and how I want to continue to live it. I think about “the in between.”

I’ve had a couple near death experiences (one when I was a child and one when I was a teenager…I’ll save these details for another time), but reflecting on these moments at various times throughout my life has provided me with time to think about life and how I want to live it…and how I want to be remembered.

And what I hope that people will one day remember is that I was kind and understanding. And more than anything, I hope that my children will always know that the ONLY way to live is by being kind and understanding.

It’s not always easy to be kind to everyone you meet, especially when there are people who are unkind to you.

Believe me, I have experienced my fair share of unkind people – whether people have been unkind to me firsthand or the words they have uttered about me to others have made their way back to me – stabbing me in the heart.

Who knows why people are unkind?

Maybe you once did something or you said something to this person that you didn’t mean to say, or maybe you did or said something that was hurtful and you didn’t realize it. Maybe the person is holding a grudge about something. Maybe your worlds are just plain different. Maybe you aren’t as “cute” as they are. Maybe you dress differently. Maybe your beliefs and passions are different. Maybe they’re just jealous. Or maybe…MAYBE they’re just having a bad day, or they are simply not happy with their own lives. Who knows?

What I do know is that I’m learning, slowly but surely – as I get older - that “the in between is mine.” I am who I am. I believe that I am kind. I believe that I am understanding. And I believe that I am a good mother and a good wife and a good friend.

And I have learned that I don’t have time to worry about people who are unkind or hurtful as long as I continue to be kind myself. I’ve spent too much time in my life worrying about people who are just…well…mean. And my focus should really be elsewhere. My focus should be on God, my family, and on being a good mama and a good wife.

We have one life to live and one way to be remembered. And the way that I’ve lived my life and the way I want to continue living my “in between” is with kindness and understanding.

So brace yourselves, unkind people of the world – I am going to smile at you, even if you don’t deserve a smile. And I’m going to say hi to you, even if you don’t say hi back to me.

Kindness goes a LONG way. You may not realize it, but it does.

So, I ask ALL of you, especially now at Christmas – a time that should be focused on love and the birth of Christ...And I challenge ALL of you in the new year, because it’s never too late to be a better person - Remove the hate and the anger from your hearts. Remove your judgement of others (“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone.” - John 8:7). And please be more loving toward each other…and more understanding.

If you don’t realize what one little act of kindness can do in this world, let me please leave you with this thought…

Not too long ago, I took the boys through the McDonald’s drive-thru. Yep, I’m that mom. Every Tuesday, we go to McDonalds because it is our LONGEST. DAY. EVER. I’m not proud of it, but hey – we’re all in “survival mode” as parents at some point. So, McDonalds it is on Tuesdays.

We were in an extremely long line at the end of our very long Tuesday. When I finally arrived at the window to pay, the cashier told me that the person in front of me had paid for my food.

“What?” I asked. “You’re kidding me.”

“No,” was her reply. “About an hour ago, someone paid for the person’s meal behind him. That person then paid for the person behind her. And this has been going on for the past hour.”

I couldn’t believe it! I had witnessed an act of paying it forward. There really was good in this world!

After a few seconds of processing this awesome moment, I told the cashier to please allow me to pay for my family’s food and to put the money toward the family’s food behind me, as I knew another family could certainly use the break more than we could.

Even though I didn’t use the money, I still could not believe what had just happened. I could not believe how much happiness this one act of kindness that had started an hour before I had approached the cashier’s window had brought me. It made me believe that kindness DOES exist. Maybe there isn’t as much hatred in the world as we believe there is, I thought.

As I drove away with a warm feeling in my heart and a smile on my face, I wondered if the next family used the money or if they continued to pay it forward. And I sometimes wonder, if they did pay it forward, for how many more hours did that act of kindness - that paying it forward – continue?

Who knows?

But what I do know is that this simple act of kindness made my day happier, and hopefully, it made the stranger or strangers whom I would never meet behind me, happier. And to think that it all started with ONE single person and ONE single act of kindness.

Pause for just one moment and think about this...

How would YOUR world change? What would YOUR world look like if YOUR “in between” was filled with more kindness and more love and not judgement, gossip and unkindness?

Let’s give our children the gift of a kinder world.

I’m in. Are you?